i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
