I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
