oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
