So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
