we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
