Your dad touched me again.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize