you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
