Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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