I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Everything about him screamed your future.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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