This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
