I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
me + whiskey = a bad person
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
