So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize