Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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