fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
