I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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