i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
