Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
