I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
