i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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