I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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