i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
