the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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