My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
