drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
