Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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