New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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