I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
His nipple licking is glorious
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