He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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