It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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