Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
