Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
