I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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