I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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