haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
