Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
