Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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