I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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