The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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