If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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