Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
