Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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