I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We left an ass print on the piano.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
