Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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