I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
