I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
