Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
