I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
