i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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