when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
