i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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