Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
