Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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