Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
