it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
no you cant smoke seaweed
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
