Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
