she looked like the bat from fern gully.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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