I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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