Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
