4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
