If that was your dad, he is hot
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
