soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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