oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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