tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
