In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My life is pants optional.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
