How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
