I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
