if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
