Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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