I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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