Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
