i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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