It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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