halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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